Old Game Strategy Guide

Before that old Naruto game review, I wrote an elaborate mini strategy guide for Final Fantasy XII for PlayStation 2 when it was relevant. I think that game had one of the best battle systems but a cheap plot and an uninteresting protagonist and for anyone crazy into voice acting like me, Nolan North (who's from my home state,yay) was also in FFXII as well as Naruto. I played this game for 3 straight days because it was snowing and mostly everything was closed down, back in '09 to write it. This is extremely long.

 Ohmeingott Kyoto Fried Chocobo!
                        A FINAL FANTASY XII STRATEGY

Focus: Hunts and Side Missions, some Esper Information

There's 13 (?) Espers hidden within the game, for old FF players, Espers are just the Aeons, like in this game, Shiva is called Mateus and can be found at the Shrine of Mariam which is located southwest of the Paramina Rift. Some Espers are storyline, like the first Esper, Belias (Ifrit), and Hasmal. Most others though, are all hidden.

- For anyone who has reached the Mospheran Highwaste, there is an Esper there on top a ridge that seems unreachable but fear not, this is my strategy and I have defeated the Esper hidden there called Exodus. You need to solve the puzzle of the floatweeds using the wind shrines, this is actually immensely easy. 
- To reach Exodus activate these shrines
- South Wind, West Wind and NorthEast Wind

Now once you activate the South wind and the Northeast wind, ride the wild chocobo after feeding it some g. greens, provided you have any, up a path where the Humbaba's are stalking around. Keep going until you reach the rocky mountain ridge where the flying birds are. There you will find a side path to the left, dismount from the chocobo and walk down that path until you come to the West wind shrine, activate that and head back to the path that you were just on. If you don't want to fight the birds there, just use Time Magick, Warp spell and warp them all out of battle. The floatweed now connects to the path to the top most ridge where Exodus the Esper awaits. If you're a high level then fighting him is very easy, just Dispel him then cast Slow and attack like there's no tomorrow. If you're at a low level, then I can't help you. Your reward is an Opal Ring which comes in handy in harder battles.

When you obtain 10 Espers, the village elders of Jahara will allow you deeper into the Henne Mines. 
I have 8 Espers myself. So I need just 2 more.

---------------------------------

Some Hunts and Side Missions play important roles in the storyline, most others are just for fun. I'll only cover a few and remember it is important to report back to Montblanc at Clan Centurio in the North End of Rabanastre, every time you gain a new Clan Rank or is in possession of a new Esper, Montblanc the moogle will reward you quite handsomely and some of those items will come in handy later. Also, speaking to Montblanc you will have the option of doing some of the Elite Marks that he has. 

And for the Side Missions such as the Seven Sisters Side Mission, the rewards are pretty good, especially for that one and if you want 100% completion of the game it's best that you complete all side missions.

Seven Sisters Mission

This mission starts in the flying village of Bhujerba, home of Ashe's uncle the Marquis and home of the Resistance against the Archadian Empire. 
- At the Aerodome, take the flight to Balfonheim and in the Sky Parlor you see the Chief Stewardess being harassed by a man. Walk up and speak to both of them to hear their conversation. At the end, Ann (the chief stewardess) asks you deliver a letter to her 6 sisters who all work the same position on different flights.

You're aero-hopping from flight to flight and aerodome to aerodome with this mission, it's fun and relaxing since there are no battles to be fought for once. However tickets to take the flights are expensive, price ranging from 180 to 250 gil so make sure you have enough gil to take all 6 flights to deliver the letter.

Here is the list of the flights you have to take

1.) Bhujerba to Balfonheim (where it starts)
2.) Bhujerba to Rabanastre
3.) Balfonheim to Archades
4.) Balfonheim to Nalbina
5.) Archades to Rabanastre
6.) Archades to Nalbina
7.) Nalbina to Rabanastre

after successfully taking these flights and delivering the letter, you receive the Ring of Renewal as a reward which equips Regan to the user. As a hint, while on the airships, they have 2 shops selling different items, take a look around and buy whatever you need or don't have. 2 notable items is the X-Potion for 650 gil and the Arcane Magick Syphon for 7000 gil.  *learn sumtin' new bitches, Regan is a German word and means Rain*

Another leisure side mission is this one:
  
Viera Randevous

A Viera at Rabanastre's South gate near the chocobo stable is seeking a soulmate, talk to her. Follow her into the Southern Plaza & look for a Lovestruck Man at the fountain, speak to him. She is at Yamoora's Gambits in North End, speak with her again.Travel to the SandSea in East End & look for her on the 2nd fl. (she's sitting on the railing), speak to her again. Return to Southern Plaza and speak to Lovestruck Man, agree to help him, return to SandSea & tell viera about his feelings. Return to Southern Plaza at the fountain and speak to them.

Your reward is a Luxley Bow and a Hi-Potion. Not much but it's fun.

A more important side mission is the one about the sandstorm that prevents movement through the Dalmasca Easter and Westersand.

The Sand Storm

Find a creature (bangaa) named Rimzat at Rabanastre's West gate.
Check the Southern Plaza for a man called Cotze who is sitting a top the fountain.
Locate Northon in the North Sprawl of Lowtown.
(In the WESTERSAND) the Dynast-Cactoids are found in the secluded sec. of the Windtrace Dunes which is accessible from Shimmering Horizons. Inspect them to find the Wind Globe.
Return to the West gate and speak to Northon, Cotze and Rimzat then travel to the Wyrm's nest in the Dalmasca Westersand to face the Earth Tyrant.

This battle is actually pretty hard, make sure that when the battle starts you cast Decoy on the party leader then use Slow immediately, this makes the battle easy and it helps to be at a high level. Using that strategy you shouldn't have much of a problem. Afterwards, the small section that connects the Westersand and Eastersand is available and you can travel through it. 

*Just as a small note, if you've yet to obtain the Time Magick Hastega, it can bought in the Eastersand at the South Bank Villiage, a merchant who is lounging on the beach sells it but beware, it is pretty expensive. *

It is possible to enter through the closed off parts of Lhusu Mines, speak to Monteblanc to do the mission  Antilion Infestation. This battle is easy if you're at a high level, if you're not then I wouldn't even think of doing it.

 A Dark Rumor  Hunt

This is a hunt posted by Montblanc himself, basically there's a giant bird that is creating sandstorms in the Nam-Yensa Sandsea but it's only a rumor, he wants you to investigate it, if you accept the hunt that is. 

What it is really, so you don't waste your time, is a trap to lure out the hunter-stalker, if you talked to the other clan members they will tell you that an unknown person is going around and is attacking hunters while they are on their hunts. 

Enter the Nam-Yensa Sandsea from the teleport crystal in the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea and make your way to the to the Zertinan Caverns, from there, take the path that will lead you to the Withering Shores of the Nam-Yensa Sandsea and if you cannot get through the Caverns without being killed or if you haven't explored the whole map of the place, then needless to say, don't attempt this mission. 

Once you are on top of the metal structure that is there, Ba'Gamnan the bangaa from Lhusu Mines (when visited with Larsa for inspection of the nethicite) appears and a scene rolls, a conversation between Ba'Gamnan and Baltheir. After the scene, the battle starts immediately. Ba'Gamnan has 2 other bangaa with him, one who only does physical attacks and the other only does magickal attacks. Dispatch them quickly so it only leaves Ba'Gamnan. He only does physical attacks and one magick. The battle is fast pace so use Slow on him. After that, you get a lot of gil as a reward and it ends what happened earlier with him in the mines, the confrontation is done. 

Another story-related mission is the Medallions of Nabudis, if you have explored the Nabreus Deadlands which is northwest of the Salikawood, you have seen an old man sitting on the edge of the cliff, talk to him if you haven't already. He tells you about a special item and how he sent his two apprentices to find this item.  Explore the Nabreus Deadlands, defeat the Cyrstal-bug which turns into a Teleport Crystal and even find the hidden area called The Fog Mutters which lead into the area called Overlooking Eternity, there is a small shrine there but don't worry about that now.

If you have done the Adding Insult to Injury hunt successfully than that's very good because even at a high level, that hunt is very hard. If you haven't done it yet, don't until you are at a high level. 

Now the 2 apprentices, Roh'Kenmou and Roh'Kemu are in different places. Roh'Kenmu is in Archades at the Magick Shop, speak to him to learn about the medallion. He is on the 2nd fl. of the shop but on the 1st fl. of the shop is a man and a woman, speak to them to learn about an Archades Gentry man who had fallen in love with a girl in Old Archades, which is a ghetto. Travel on foot to Old Archades and find the youg man, he eventually hands over the medallion with no problem, return that to Roh'Kenmu.

Now Roh'Kenmou is in Lowtown at Old Dalan's Place in Rabanastre. Go there and talk to Roh'Kenmou in which Old Dalan introduces you and asks you to assist in his mission to find the other missing medallion.  Agree to help. The medallion was broken into 4 peices, Roh'Kenmou already has one so you need to find the other 3. The first piece is in the Garamsythe Waterway, you can only do this if you have completed the Lost in the Pudding hunt.

If you have then proceed to the Central Waterway Control: open all gates so that the lights are off. Begin by closing gates # 11 and #4, then open gate # 11 and shut gate #3. Next open gate #4 then walk around to gate #3 and look on the ground to find a "shiny object".

The 2nd piece can only be obtained as a reward for completing the Crime and Punishment hunt which you can acquire from Montblanc.

The last piece you have to speak to several people in order to obtain. First find Filo in the southeast corner of the South Sprawl in Lowtown and speak to her. Go to the Southern Plaza and speak to the Curious Woman at the fountain. Then head to the Muthru Bazaar and speak to the "merchants", really it's a red Seeq. Visit Yugri's Magicks & speak to the Sotted Imperial by the door and tell him about the woman at the fountain. Go to Lowtown's North Sprawl and find Kytes, speak to him. Then find Filo at the location she was at before and ask to see the woman. Return to Yugri's Magicks and speak to the Sotted Imperial again, you obtain the 3rd piece from this ordeal.

Return all 3 pieces to Roh'Kenmou and if you are at a high level and want to, head over to the Nabreaus Deadlands where you saw the two's master. A scene occurs and he tells you about 3 legendary beasts trapped inside the Necrohol of Nabudis. You do NOT have to fight them after you learn about them, take all the time you want or need but for those who want to, I will tell you what happens.

There are 3 locked chambers inside Nabudis which in general is a pretty difficult area. You can take on the 3 beasts in any order but I think its better to take on the beasts' whose chambers are closer to the exit of the area than the one in the middle. 

Entering from the southwest of Salikawood you can flee all the way to the first chamber if you don't want to fight any of the monsters. Once you find the chamber, you will see a large door called the Door of Horrors, if you want to proceed, insert the Medallion of Bravery and enter. The boss here is a creature called the Humbaba Mistant, as soon as the battle starts, Dispel him and cast Slow, if you're high level then this particular battle is actually kinda easy. A good trick is to cast Scourge on him as it inflicts Sap. You gain nothing after defeating him though because he is only 1 out of 3.

Entering from the Nabreus Deadlands, travel to the 2nd chamber in which you will find the Door of Loathing, insert the Medallion of Love. The boss here is called Fury but is actually a purple dreamhare, it looks like a purple Evee from Pokemon but don't be distracted by its cuteness, it is vicious. Cast Dispel on it then Slow.  As the battle nears it ends and its life is low, it casts Beserk on itself, Dispel it every time it does that and use magick that causes a lot of damage to bring the battle to a swift end. A good trick is to cast Scourge on it as in inflicts Sap. 

Now the Chamber in the middle is the hardest battle to be fought here, thus the reason I say to do it last.  Once you get there and use the Medallion of Might to open the door you are faced with the Esper called Chaos. Chaos prohibits you from physical attacks, he is immune to them and items such as water mote, scathe mote, etc. You can only use magick. Dispel him, after you do that because he has cast Faith and Bravery on himself, he then casts, Shell and Protect so Dispel him as many times as you need to. 

He has 4 small elementals helping him, you can attack those. A good trick before entering this battle is to equip the entire part with Rose Corsage as it makes you immune from Silence, Chaos will cast Silence on you over and over again if you do not equip this accessory. However you cannot cast Silence on him, he's immune. The best way to take him out quickly is to first cast Scourge on him as it inflicts Sap. Then to either summon one of your Espers to the battle or use Quickenings. The longer the Quickening chain, the more damage dealt so aim to chain 10 or more Quickenings in a single setting to get the end move called Cataclysm. If you do that over and over, you are sure to win. Another good tip is to have a lot of Ethers or more preferably Hi-Ethers which are randomly found or handed out as rewards for successful hunts and to have a lot of X-Potions. And after you've defeated him, your MP will be completely used up so walk around the room until you have the first rank of the MP back for your party. Ethers are hard to find so I wouldn't waste them if I'm not in a dire battle. 

I defeated Chaos today but as fate would have it, died trying to get out of Nabudis, now I have to fight him again. It's soul shattering. And on a strange note, Chaos is rather fond of Ashe, without Ashe in the party, he slaughters everyone before I have time to even use a Quickening but once I put Ashe into the party, the battle rages on and on. Another good tip is to cast Bubble for a higher HP or have one character wear the Bubble Belt which for me is Ashe. Oh! and after defeating Humbaba and Fury, try to make it out alive and save your progress at the Salikawood and Nabreus Deadlands! It'll be a bitch to have to keep fighting the 3 bosses over and over again. 

end. I find Final Fantasy games are still fun to play even after you've defeated them.

Old Game Reviews

So I remembered I wrote a review for a beloved video game series adapted from a manga/anime and even though newer games has been released in the franchise, I don't own them yet. So I'm going to re-post my old game review. I don't aim to please, I aim to be honest.

NARUTO ULTIMATE NINJA STORM: GENERATIONS REVIEW

Received the game yesterday because it was preordered and I defeated Story Mode already, today. Short playing time if you're only playing Story Mode. There's 11 'tales' you can play through:

The Tale Of Young Naruto
The Tale of Naruto Uzumaki (Shippuden)
The Tale of Sasuke Uchiha (Shippuden)
The Tale of Zabuza and Haku
The Tale of Jiraiya the Gallant
The Tale of Itachi Uchiha
The Tale of Kakashi Hatake
The Tale of Gaara
The Tale of Minato Namikaze
The Tale of Madara Uchiha (Tobi)
The Tale of Killer Bee (have to defeat Tobi's storyline to unlock)

Your choice with who to start with, I started with Young Naruto. The game play is easier yet harder at the same time. My problem with it is that you cannot Ninja Dash to your enemy, you literally just have to walk/run towards them in Story Mode although it's not much better in Free Fighting Mode. Now Substitution jutsu is a thousand times easier and sets up your battles to look awesome but it is so easy to get around people's Ultimate Jutsu which isn't welcomed if you're the one trying to use it. I also dislike the distance in this game, when you use Substitution jutsu, sometimes you appear close to them but other times you end up so far away from them and it's hard to close the gap, especially when fighting Deidara and Tobi.
       I don't know what they were thinking when they programmed that in. It sucks but the overall battle is pretty if you can pull off some wicked combos. Sasuke and Killer Bees are beasts in this game, their taijutsu are damn near impossible to block or substitute so be weary of that, they have some long, heavy hitting combos which get annoying real quick.
       Another problem with this game is the repetition of some of the battles, for some reason they thought it was fun to have Sasuke and Itachi fight one another 5 times throughout the game, it gets boring but the other fights are pretty cool. You can play as and against Tobi when he had the handcuffs as weapons, Tobi is one hard motherfucker to beat but it is possible.
      The anime scenes however are awesome although the dubbing is atrocious. Seriously the words do not match the mouth 80% of the time, given the time they had with this game, this is no excuse for that. I WANT TO BREAK VIC MIGNONA'S JAW SO HE CANNOT VOICE ACT FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS! Not only does he fail as Nagato but he also voices Obito which just does not fit. SOMEONE GET HIM THE FUCK OFF THIS SHOW!
      Tobi's voice has changed from Ulitmate Ninja 2, both as his childish personality and "Madara" personality. His new "Madara" voice makes him sound like he's 100, it's deep but it's also graveling, like the guy is chewing on rocks. Actually, he sounds a lot like Kakuzu which doesn't fit either. I prefer Nolan North as Tobi's "Madara's" personality, that guy had a cool voice. Also, only Gaara had good voice acting in this game which he is voiced by Liam O'Brien.
        A problem I have with the Shippuden cast is that all their characters still sound the same. This is a one in a million show where the characters grow and get older yet they still sound like they're 12, except for Gaara here. His voice is much deeper because Mr. O'Brien probably realized that his character is now 17 years old and is a respectable leader and not a 12 year old psychopath anymore. I salute you Mr. O'Brien, I salute you.
        For Free Fighting, there are several modes such as single or team battle, Survive, Tournement and the return of Training Mode which is awesome since the gameplay is slightly different. I haven't spent much time here except to test try Hashirama Senju because I'm a Madara Uchiha fan. Fuck you and your wood jutsu.
There are more collectibles here and you get to buy titles, yay. I defeated all 11 Storylines but that just doesn't get you half the collectibles. Not by a long shot which made me feel as if I played Story Mode for no freaking reason. Story Mode however is good for ryo. Anyone else notice that Zetsu is yet again forgotten in this game? Poor Zetsu.
         All in all, it is a fun game to play and the anime scenes that haven't come out in English yet are very good so I give this game 4 stars. I spent $59 on this game, I'm keeping it for that reason alone. You can defeat this game in a day.

Tell me your experience with the game and if you are stuck on a battle in story mode.

Caligula 1979

The movie by Gore Vidal and Tinto Brass. I never seen it in it's entirety but I have seen clips from it. I like Malcolm McDowell's voice, he kind of sounds like Dr. Muraki from Descendants of Darkness, and from what I have seen of it, I think he did well for playing a mad man. Like David Tennant as Doctor Who and Bartie Crouch Jr. I'd like to see the rest of it now. My only problem is that it looks more like a play than a movie, the Harem of Monsters and Imperial Bordello scenes....felt and looked like they were on a stage rather than a built set. Needless to say that the props looked completely fake but it's the performance that is important.

I know people have issues with the rampant sexuality in it but I have an issue with every movie I watch there is more naked women than men. So yeah....it's unfair and shut up about it. Hollywood isn't going to change. Sex is so natural and is actually healthy for you (still everyone should be safe) and it's a shame we now live in a world where we are demonized for our choice of partners and is made to feel ashamed for it.

I think people when watching this should try to actually educate themselves and learn a little bit more about who Caligula was because there's nothing an actor can do that can be captured on camera that will even come close to the atrocities he committed in real life. We all know the inaccurate/accurate history of Julius Caesar, Augustus Caesar, Caligula and Nero (the Julian-Claudius Dynasty) through film (for everything the Romans accomplished, their eras aren't actually taught well in schools. Seeing how we use their alphabet, you'd think they'd get a little more credit) but I actually rather see something about Trajan, the Emperor from Hispania. He was brutal, bloody, fair and good. But I have a feeling that the monotheistic oppressive overlords don't want to admit that pagan leaders were good just as much as they were capable of evil.

Then, for some reason, Youtube recommended me the videos for Total War: Rome II. I don't play military games but I watched the live action trailer for the game anyway and it was done surprisingly well. You can watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKglskMfyWA
I wished there was some sort of narration to the trailer but the cinematography was done well nevertheless. Looked like it would have been a good movie, better than Pompeii anyway. So the trailer inspired me to write something while listening/watching random clips of Caligula because the full streams I found had terrible audio and the streams with good audio was either in Spanish or had actor commentary on it. So an excerpt from what I wrote, again no title.


 

It hadn't been going well since the younger Emperor's son met his Athenian relations. The men of his mother's family had been trying to fill his head with nonsense of Athenian pride. So much pride did them after Rome helped to crush them along with their allies. Not even the ever war hungry Spartans could be moved to help their fellow Grecians.
            Alecto didn't like what his maternal family had been telling him, they were conflicting the boy and he did not need that. Not when there were older heirs for the throne who would see Aries as a rival when he came into his manhood just the same they would see the child as a threat whenever Alecto died. He feared, that without his co-Emperor and elder brother, Saturn, his two nephews would turn feral on him.
            If they didn't fear him and Octavio, his paternal cousin, but then again, without Saturn, Octavio could become an enemy all too well. He was going to set things straight for his son as gently as the boy could understand, he was young still, only seven years old and had grown up living on Palatine in a villa, what did he know of betrayal?
           His own father had began his career in the Senate at a young age and spurred it in his youngest son, it was the Senate they were leaving now, walking in step with one another. Alecto was old, there was no denying that but his brother was older and there was no denying that either, while his brother had been favored in his youth, Alecto had come to power only a short decade ago when he returned from his own adventures outside the city and country.
           It was only noon, the sun reflected off the white buildings and stone, a trick of architecture to make the insides of said buildings cooler, a trick learned from the Grecians but ah well...he would give credit when credit was due. He wore his Senatorial robes, as he was also Consul, he had been elected by his peers inside the governing body before he made himself and his brother Emperors, naturally no one opposed the two dangerous men.
            If they did, they would only be silently removed.
            He stopped at the top of the stairs to look down upon the square teeming with the life that made this city great and glorious. "Where were you born?" He asked his son. Aries had been made to listen while inside the Senate but after the meticulous meeting of who would be his superior one day while he trained, Aries made an off comment about a democracy.
            A part of the boy wanted to understand the difference between the two governing sanctions but the voice that came out of his lips was condemning at best. Fortunately for him, his father knew that Aries didn't know enough to appreciate the reasons why a republic was better and since he was still a child, he was easily influenced by the adults in his life. Aries' grandfather was beginning to become a pain in his ass although he only met the older man twice.
            "Rome." Aries answered going no further than his own father.
            "And where was your father born?" He asked what seemed like a fruitless question to his son. Did he forget where he was born himself?
            "Rome." Aries answered automatically.
            "And his father and his father before him?" Alecto kept an eye on the square, following the moves of the guards meant to keep the peace.
            "Rome."
            "And what is a democracy? What is a republic?" Alecto asked.
            "I don't know." Aries admitted.
            "So you're equally ignorant of both of them. Have you ever been to Athens?" Finally he looked down at his son, his thick eyebrows pulled closely together but they were so often furrowed, Aries couldn't tell if he was angry. He didn't sound upset or offended but that meant nothing.
             "No."
             "Do you know anyone from Athens?" Alecto continued, hoping that Aries would draw the right conclusions as he baited the right answers from him.
              "You know I do." Aries huffed out a warm breath as he pulled on the front of his tunic, it was a warm day even in the shade.
              "What?" Alecto glared at him now but Aries was brave and stupid enough to ignore his expression. He'd chalked that up to youth but the boy needed to learn, he wouldn't be around forever and he had enemies in familiar and unfamiliar places.
              Aries choked down a response before listing his relatives that had been relocated to Herculaneum but only as a favor to his wife. He only knew her cousin and had no love for the Athenian merchant. He was more interested in saving the lives of his former quartermaster and the former hoplite who would become his personal assassin and ended up saving them from slavery by taking them as his own slaves during the triumvirate attack on the port city.
              It was a ruse of course, the families he had saved were now free in Herculaneum but people and friends they once knew........
              "And you've only just met them. They were not here when you were born, they were not here for any injury, sadness nor joy that befell you in your short years. Your loyalty is to your heritage and your heritage is here," he pointed to the square and to various well known landmarks and statues that stood erected testaments to what his heritage had accomplished.
              Aries frowned at the gist of his words, he liked his Athenian relatives and their food. He looked away from the glinting trophies of wars passed to look upward at his father. "Does that mean I can't wrestle?" Wrestling was a Greek sport and one not often practiced in Italy.
             Alecto rubbed the top of his head as he pulled him to his side. "Of course you can wrestle. You'll be a little Alexander but without blonde hair."



The ancient Romans were very family orientated and believe it or not, had excellent morals and values but all we ever see in fiction and film is the worst of them. All conquerors are brutal, if they weren't, they'd never win their wars but war is war and it doesn't make the soldiers evil in general or when they've return home. Anyone with family serving in the military knows that. I've included a link for anyone to read and or discover what ancient Roman virtues were. Don't demonize the past because without the past, you'd have no future.
Roman Virtues 

Catcher In The Rye

By J.D Salinger, some people hate it, some people love it. Either way it is considered a classic. I read it in school, I actually have no problem with the book, yes all it was was a whiny privileged kid complaining about nothing, cynical in his attitude and was the most false person in the entire book but how is that different from people's daily lives? Everyone complains about something. I don't think it's the greatest thing ever written but I didn't feel it was absolutely terrible, I think J.D Salinger was trying to show us the whiny, bitchy side in all of us, that most people don't want to admit is there. A lot of us scowl at society while secretly longing to be part of it.

Would people's opinion of the book change if it was re-written with a modern day aspect?
You know why they redid the Spider-Man movie after Tobey Maguire's run, don't you? I kid you not, the reason producers felt like Spider-Man had to be done over was because there was no mention of Facebook in it previously. They said that kids today couldn't relate to Tobey's Spider-Man because he didn't have Facebook. That's one of the most terrible reasons they could have come up with.
I think it can be pulled off with Catcher In The Rye as it would attract the teenage "emo" crowd.

So I was writing something and it began to remind me of Catcher In The Rye, I'm just going to scrap it altogether but I still found it hilarious in a way. So an excerpt, there's no title.


Darkness is a word with a double meaning, there's the literal sense as in, "hey, it's dark in here," and then there is the darkness where fear dwells within the body. It's that darkness that I'm referring to where the hairs on the back of your neck stands on end, that which makes every breath you draw painful as you run for your life.
            Darkness is a funny thing, we fear it and yet we're drawn towards it, we lie about it to our children, denying the fact that we ourselves are the monsters hiding in the closets and under the bed. We label it evil because we can't understand its thought patterns and demonize it while ravishing the rewards of misdeeds. 
            My father was called evil, he is the head of a corporation bent on owning the world, who perverted the senses and robbed humanity of its humanity, or so people say. What's humanity anyway? Loyalty? Dogs are loyal. Free will? Goats have free will, that's why they're so stubborn. Imposable thumbs and love? Monkeys have imposable thumbs and lionesses seemed to love their cubs. Humanity begins to sound a lot like mindless sheep ready for a slaughter when you really think about it.
             You see, humans aren't meant to be lambs, they're meant to eat them.
              Everyone wants to read about dark themes but when it comes down to it, they aren't too curious to tread into anything truly sinister where they can no longer deny it or maybe it's plain cowardice.
               No, it's definitely cowardice, why are people so afraid of the dark inside of themselves? If anything, doesn't it mean we are meant to be violent, self serving maniacs? We're all capable of it so why do we attach rules to ourselves that rules out our very nature?   
               What a hypocritical world.
               Those are my psychotic like thoughts as I pace in the dark room, this is my place. It's cramped in the small square I built around myself. Some people have cutting or drugs, I have darkness nearly robbing my sight of being able to handle light.
                The light is where mistakes are made and is where lies live. I want no part of that. It may seem crazy but just because those meaningless sheep can't understand my reasons doesn't make me insane. I sit in the corner with my hands on my head as if I'm in pain before deciding that my vision has become strong enough that I can see the items I've placed inside.
                My solitary room is located behind a secret panel within my father's office where he conducts all of his dirty dirty business.
                It is here that he sits in his leather chair with a phone in hand and a knife hidden behind his back as he makes life or death decisions for people he's never even met and yes I do mean life or death. Whether it be a worker, an accountant or some poor bloke on the street walking to his menial job to pay his rent, my father is up here above them like a deity ruling all.
                His back is turned as he watches the peons down below when I come out of the box. He has a slurpee on his desk waiting for me, a little generous token as he's come accustomed to my habits and my unconventional philosophy. I take it enjoying the cold rush past my teeth as I look away from my father's tailored back. "One day you'll learn Bryce," he says calmly, almost fatherly as he clenches his wrist a bit tighter behind his back.
                 I only snort turning away from the bright sunlight as it tears at my now sensitive eyes not that my father cares. I walk away as he continues to rumble on about how I need to see what could be in this urban wasteland that they call a city. They disgust me.


I dislike first person narrative. There's something very selfish and self centered about all the I's and me's. This won't be continued or finished. Originally the theme was supposed to be dark but people don't really want "dark" they want puppies and rainbows. All the heroes have been written and all their stories are the same, there's more character development in villains, it's high time we explore our fears. The absence of fear comes from understanding.

Beauty of the Beard

You see a lot of blogs about fashion and models, while I care not for fashion, I'm finding that I like the bearded (from light to full) male models. So these are my favorite bearded men just for fun. I like their appearance, nothing more, nothing obsessive

Chinese male model, his name is Zhang Lunshuo, I believe. I like the metal style he's sporting here although most of his work, he has short hair but I think he looks better with long hair. He could use a longer goatee though.

Takayuki Yamada, a Japanese actor, he was in Crows Zero although I never seen the movie. I think he needs a little more facial hair in this picture but he's one of the few Japanese men who lets it grow so kudos to him.

Stefano Masciolini, an Italian actor. I love his red hair and the color of his eyes. I wished he had more a defined chinstrap beard but it looks good on him. Red haired people get a bad rap but I like their hair color and for the record, real ginger is brown, not red.

Another glorious red head, Mr. Richard Madden, forever our King in the North, Rob Stark from Game of Thrones. I was so upset when he died, Jon Snow deserved to die a lot more than Rob ever did. He's also the voice of Trevor Belmont/Alucard in MercurySteam's Castlevania games.

Maximiliano Patane, the Argentinean male model in his furry glory. He is a very handsome man and I find his hairy chest to be very masculine. I think more men should have the courage to let it grow unless he himself dislikes his own body hair.

I don't know who this man is but I'm digging the grey beard and Roman like hairstyle, his profile looks great but I want to see the rest of his tattoo now. You can be older and still be attractive for both men and women.

I don't know who this guy is but he looks happy and seeing happy people makes me happy (sometimes).

Greek fashion model Paraskevas Boubourakas, has to say he's my favorite bearded model. I hear he's a really nice guy too.

Dimitri Alexandrou, another Greek fashion model. He has tattoos although they're covered by his clothes in this picture.

Justin Passmore, another fashion model. Love the shape of his beard.

I don't know who he is but I wanna find out! Anybody, what's his name?

Athenian fashion model, Yiorgos Karavas.

I don't know who he is either but I applaud that mustache and goatee combo of his, he has some  nice colored eyes as well.

Looks like a viking sword in his hand. Love his long beard, and I love those type of shirts he's wearing, I find them extremely masculine and love seeing men wear them. Wish I knew his name too.

Abbas Jafri, he's from somewhere in the Middle East, I don't remember where. I like the barbaric warrior theme here. He looks intimidating. He's a very popular model. I have thousands more but this will be it for now.

Teen Wolf Finale

Yes I watch the show, and back in season 1 I was plenty skeptical but it's pretty good if you give it a chance.

So the big surprises was the death of Alison and Aiden but overall, it wasn't an emotional killer for me as I'm very neutral about both of their characters. I was hoping that Isaac would die but I guess he'll end up as Mr. Argent's adoptive son now seeing how he lost Alison. I actually feel quite bad for Papa Argent, I'd understand him completely if he chooses to kill himself with one of his guns but I'm hoping Chris Argent will find love again and maybe start a new family, he's not that old. I personally find J.R Bourne (Mr. Argent) attractive, and he was one of the main reasons I watched the show.

The greatest thrill of season 3 was watching Dylan O' Brien's performance as Void Stiles/Dark Stiles. We all know he pulls off comedy amazingly well but I was blown away but his acting skills. Of all the teen genre like The Hunger Games, Divergent, Teen Wolf, The Mortal Instruments, etc I think Mr. O' Brien is the only one who can actually act. This kid has great potential. His body language, the yelling and changing of his voice, I think he'd be perfect for voice overs. I demand that he does voice overs for villains.

Stiles (Dylan O' Brien) descent into villainy. In the previous season when he introduce his new hairstyle, I hated it but now I've gotten used to Stiles with hair. I think they did an amazing job this season bringing in Japanese mythology with the demon kitsune. Stiles is a fox, a trickster, and I actually hope he can somehow become a kitsune again, even if he isn't the dark fox.

"I'M A THOUSAND YEARS OLD, YOU CAN'T KILL ME!" Such bold boasting and then he dies. Not Stiles as himself, he lives, but the Void Fox. Strangely enough, I think he'd make a perfect Dante from Devil May Cry 5 (NinjaTheory) with Bill Skarsgard as Vergil. Now Hemlock Grove is absolutely terrible show that beats around the bush but never gets to the damn point, and I stopped watching at episode 9, but I think Skarsgard already looks like Vergil, just dye his hair white. O' Brien will be in the new kids/teen book series to hit the big screen (anyone else getting sick of the teen books turning to movies yet? I am) called The Maze Runner. The trailer looks like ATTACK ON TITAN but with no titans and also stars that Reed kid from Game of Thrones, you know the boy traveling with Bran. I'm not a fan of that kid's work because I don't like the characters he play. People have mixed feelings about the book series and I'm contemplating reading them before the movie comes out.

You know.....we never learned Stiles' first name like they said we would. What new mythology should Teen Wolf explore next? I personally wanna see some were-cat like people. The finale could have been better but the journey was definitely worth more than the destination itself.

Marvel's Worlds

So Storm has been written out of the script for the new X-Men movie which disappoints me, seeing how Dr. Doom is supposed to have a cameo, I had high hopes that they would make Storm x Dr. Doom's pairing canon. But alas it is not so! I support their relationship, it was very modern for their time, I mean it was interracial with Doom being European (he's a Gypsy and since Gypsies originate from Asia, he's most likely some Hunnic-European mix) and Storm is African. He's the villain, she's a heroine. It's a great dynamic. However their pairing wasn't invented by Doom's original creator Jack Kirby, who actually disdained their mutual interest in one another. Some people support them, some people don't.

This is the first time they met back in the 60s I believe. The X-Men led by Storm infiltrated Doom's Upstate New York castle when he actually did not provoke it. Doom instantly was taken by Storm's beauty, and even in the newer comics he commends African people and considers them as "higher specimens" or something like that. He invited her to have dinner with him. I think it's hilarious that he mentions to Storm that he threatens his personal chef to cook the best and she just ignores that fact. Who threatens their cook? Doom does, that's who!

Then a battle ensues of course, I love what he told Wolverine, "Doom does not engage in fisticuffs." He even considers the X-Men as mere children. Actually, during this comic is where Storm first begins to fight with Doom, holding lightening in her hands while Doom's magic strikes her, she narrates that the combination of power was "both pain and ectasy, a Song of Fire and Ice." Sound familiar? Changing a Song of Fire and Ice to A Song of Ice and Fire doesn't change the fact that Stan Lee wrote it in the 60s and that the original title of George R.R. Martin's/HBO's Game of Thrones is a Marvel reference. But of course, the ending of the comic was revealed to have been a Doombot who was infatuated with Storm which most people didn't believe. Yeah I think it was really Doom too.

Skip to the 1970s where Doom and Storm meet again during The Fantastic Four VS The X-Men issue. Johnny Storm (The Human Torch) accidentally burns Storm's arm during an altercation where they asked Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) help in saving Kitty Pryde's (Shadowcat) life. He denied them help and they broke out into a fight then Doom offers to help Kitty and Storm. I dislike this picture, Doom looks like a totally creep, even his mask reflects his inner creep but I do like seeing them together.

I prefer this picture after Doom healed Storm's burned arm. I can't help but to think how regal they look together.

Storm in front of a picture of an unmasked Doom in a novel where they were actually married. Yep, Doom took over the Earth and made Storm his queen. I can't see why no one makes them canon. I think they're interesting and look great together but instead Doom nearly marries the Scarlet Witch while Storm marries the Black Panther.

The Jedi Code VS The Sith Code

So there will be an Episode 7 of Star Wars, I'm not sure why though. I find that I like the older movies a lot more than the ones done in the 2000s.

picture by http://yang-tze.deviantart.com/

The Jedi Code: There is no emotion, there is peace
                        There is no ignorance, there is knowledge
                        There is no passion, there is serenity
                        There is no chaos, there is harmony
                        There is no death, there is the force

The Sith Code: Peace is a lie, there is only passion
                       Through passion, I gain strength
                       Through strength, I gain power's
                       Through power, I gain victory
                       Through victory, my chains are broken
                       The force shall free me

I don't agree with the Jedi code, there is chaos, death, ignorance and knowledge and serentiy but it is not one or the other. Both exist so the Sith code calls to me. Passion is a driving force to succeed. So yeah, Sith on. Although I think both of them can make rather good philosophy if you stop to really think about the meaning it implies.

Sun

I will forever be disgusted by the hate and hypocrisy organized religion feeds to the ones who choose to believe in it. But belief is a choice and absolutely no one can force you to believe or disbelieve in anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Keep the SUN in Sunday, a day named for the big ball of hot gas in the sky, the only real giver of life. Without the sun everything and everyone will die as an ice age would take over.

I REJECT BRAINWASHING. Hitler brainwashed Germans to kill millions of innocent Jews, and there is many more examples of violent brainwashing through history. We must learn from these atrocities if we really want a peaceful and equal world. I REJECT PREJUDICE. IF YOU BELIEVE IN EQUALITY, RE-POST THIS PICTURE. I created this picture with love for we ARE all EQUAL.

This is how planets are formed, no hand of God required. This is the truth as we know it until proven otherwise. Through science, our understanding of the world improves and we will one day be able to preserve it and right the damage we've done to it. And don't worry Pluto, you will always be a planet to me.

Perverted Naruto Fan Fiction 2

Another pairing I absolutely adore other than Kisame and Itachi is Yahiko and Konan. Yahiko created the Akatsuki and was the once to convince Jiraiya to train them to become ninja. When he died, Nagato used his body as Tendo Pain and ruled Akatsuki using his friend's animated corpse through the chakra rods he implanted in Yahiko's body. I love the Amegakure nin, to me their the only ones with a good back story to them and they were very well developed characters. Plus I just love how ghetto and torn up their village looks, all held together with ninja duct tape while everybody else's village is beautiful and one with nature. There's a lot of bars in Amegakure, has anyone noticed that? I like how brave Yahiko was as a kid and how he actually wanted to inflict pain on others so they could understand the pain he felt, as he got older he matured and wanted to help people rather than begin conflicts. It was a shame that he died.

Konan is also an under appreciated character, she was wise enough to never trust Tobi, she was mature and never went on rants about how unfair her life had been. She took the good and the bad, in a way, she reminds me of Itachi, they bother understood what it meant to be ninja and never revealed their secrets while living. Unfortunately Kishimoto-sensei kills all the happy couples. They had a basic, boy meets girl, becomes friends then lovers over time relationship. Nothing wrong with that.

                    

Yahiko x Konan fan fic

Yahiko froze as he realized that for the first time in a long time, he and Konan were completely alone. He was badly injured, bandaged up enough to make him look like a mummy on Halloween. Konan also realized this, she quickly shot up on her knees and gently pressed her lips against his, her hand resting on his cheek. Yahiko had been so surprised that he hadn't realized that it was over as quickly as it started. Konan now sat down fully upon the bed looking at the floor in embarrassment. He began to blush as he moved to lean forward, "Yahiko, don't move!" She sounded so concerned, as always. 
          Yahiko leaned foward despite the pain he felt, when he came close enough, he lowered his head to steal another kiss. "Yahiko......." She stammered. 
          "Can I have another kiss?" He asked softly and despite that he was clearly asking, it sounded more like a demand. She felt that even if she said no, he would take another but she wasn't sure if she would mind if he did just that. 
           "Yes....." She answered as he pushed his tongue against hers then over. 
           His right hand graced her abdomen softly pushing her back onto the bed. She hadn't even noticed when she was lying squarely beneath him. Her hand lightly gripped his shoulder which had been bandaged while the other tied itself in his strawberry blond hair. 
           Lifting away from her mouth only to breathe, he kissed her back forcefully, demanding but lifted away to kiss her jawline and neck. She didn't say anything. "You don't mind," he asked her as his fingers gingerly delved under her shirt. Konan shook her head but found that she couldn't say anything. Yahiko wasted no time, he felt heat searing at his pants and fate had finally given him the opportunity to do something about it. 
           He pushed her shirt up to her collarbone, he attacked her left nipple with his mouth before going on to her right. He traced his tongue down her stomach to her naval piercing, something he always wanted to toy with since he first caught glimpse of it when she was dressing one morning. Wrapping his tongue around the sapphire jewelry, he sucked it into his mouth until his lips parted across her skin. Konan took in a deep breath finding out that she was tickelish there, after apologizing to her, Yahiko went further south. Luckily for him, she wore a skirt and tearing that off and the underwear with it had been easy.
           She hadn't even asked him to stop, she only squirmed out of modesty. He wasn't quite sure why she was being so modest with him. She tried to turn to the side but he placed his hand on her knee. "No. Please.  Spread your legs for me." Konan wasn't a coward and while normally followed the leader's words and order, this was different and she wasn't quite sure if she should but she slowly found herself doing just as he said.
             Yahiko gave her oral sex and when she was wet enough, he rose himself over her. 
He pulled at his sweatpants which had only gotten tighter, pulling them down to reveal his unbandaged lower body. Reassuring his soon to be lady, he rubbed himself against her, wanting too much to shove it inside.    "Yahiko.......I'm not sure........" 
    "No?  Aw don't tell me no." 
    Unfortunately she could never just say no to Yahiko. 
    "Please be gentle......"
    "I will, don't worry. I love you Konan." He said nuzzeling his head against hers.
    "I love you," she told him again. 
    "I know you do." 

    Pushing himself as slowly as he could, she sucked in a deep breath then slowly exhaled once he was halfway inside. "You okay?" He asked feeling concerned. 
    "It hurts." She told him. 
    "It does? Should I stop?" He felt embarrassed, he wasn't hurting, he could barely feel his wounds at the moment. He didn't know it would hurt her. 
     "No. No pain no gain right?" She said to him with a smile. 
    "You're a real soldier."
         Feeling more confident than usual and Yahiko barely ever lost his confidence, he tried as gently as he could to push himself completely inside but when that only caused more pain for Konan, he shook his head.  "I'm gonna say sorry in advance, sorry for this." He placed both hands on either side of her head, mustered his strength despite being as hurt as he was, and pushed as hard as he could until he felt himself all the way inside, past her tight folds. 
       She screamed a bit as she gripped painfully at his shoulders. He kissed her, "I said I was sorry." 
       "That doesn't change the fact that, that was painful."   
       "I didn't think this would hurt you so much, it's not hurting me at all."
       "It's all right." She comforted him drawing him into a deep kiss.
   
    Feeling better about the pain he was causing her, he pushed all other thoughts aside, Nagato was more than capable of holding the Akatsuki together for a day without him or the second in command. Sitting up a bit or as much as Yahiko would allow, he graciously pulled off her shirt and bra so that now she was naked under him. 
    Laying her back down, he hovered a bit before resting his bandaged chest against hers. He picked up a clear rhythm and gently hit different spots inside her body, trying to find the right one. "Mmm," he groaned reveling at how soft she felt, he closed his eyes momentarily before opening them again only to look at his lady. "You feel so good." 
    "Really?" She asked him. 
    "Yes." 
         She laughed a little, "you feel warm and thick," she told him wrapping her arms around the back of his neck but tried not to apply any real pressure so as not to hurt him. 
          "Do I? Is that a good thing?" He wasn't sure, he knew that he was taking up all the space inside of her and to him that felt great, he wanted to be the only one taking up residence. He pushed up and got a moan of pain. "Sorry sorry sorry." 
           So not there, "take me a bit deeper," he said as pulled her down by the outside of her thighs onto him, forcing her down onto the hilt of his fleshy blade. Moving gently, he rocked her until her wetness allowed him to slip even deeper. Groaning, he slowed his movements which had her out of breath and softly moaning for him. "So there you are, I found you." Yahiko exclaimed happily. Konan kissed the side of his face, dampening the bandages.
          "Yes." Was all she could say. Her lower body was full and she didn't want anything else at the moment other than him. Wrapping her calves around the small of his back, she pushed up, blind to any following pain, willing to let him take her. Surprised by her action, he forced it, trying to see how deep he could go but couldn't. Returning to the spot he found that made her moan, he made it his. 
            "You're my lady, right?" He asked sounding a bit unsure. If he had to compete with Nagato, he might actually lose. 
           "I've always wanted to be yours." 
           She told him the truth but he had to ask, ".......and Nagato?" 
            "I love Nagato too, but like a younger brother." 
    Yahiko sighed a breath of relief, luckily he didn't have to compete with his friend, he also thought of Nagato as a brother, and as his savior and all he wanted was to protect both of them. He kissed her forehead, "that makes me feel a lot better." After talk had died down, he kept at that one spot until he felt her body tighten around him, massaging him as her bodily fluid came flowing down upon his skin causing him to release hard inside of her. 
        When their hearts and breathing stopped racing, she asked him what he had done.  "Uh...what's it called again?  E-ejac-ejaculation? Yeah that's it, I ejaculated! Wait, oh fuck." He said that last part more to himself. 
        "What's wrong?" She asked him. 
         "Hold on," he told her as he pulled himself out only to discover that he was covered in blood and that the head of his cock was spluttered with a white liquid. 
         He look to her, there was blood and cum. He sat up quickly, "oh shit, I made you bleed, I'm sorry, I'll be right back." He panicked not sure what he had done to cause her to bleed. Quickly getting to the floor and walking towards the bathroom, Konan sat up then looked down. Nothing looked out of the ordinary to her. Until she placed her hand to her skin then lifted it to see blood and something else. 
        "Oh. I'm bleeding. That's odd, I'm not on my period. So this white stuff is his ejaculation then?" She was considerably less freaked out than he was. Yahiko returned with two towels, one wet and one dry. She watched him as he took the wet towel and wiped off the substances. She held her out her hand to him. He grabbed her wrist and pressed the wet towel to her fingers. "What's the white stuff? It's sticky." 
        Yahiko panicked again, how should I answer? "Uh.....its called semen I think.......and it can get you pregnant......but that's what the older guys tell me." 
        She laughed slightly, "is that so?  Looks like we have to be careful about your ejaculation and semen then." 
      Yahiko looked hopeful, "you aren't mad?" 
      "No. Why would I be mad?"
       Yahiko hugged her, "thank you."
   
    Nagato returned late in the evening to see Konan sleeping beside Yahiko in Yahiko's bed. "That's cute.....but it disturbs me for some reason." He said to himself. The next morning, Konan left early leaving the two boys at home. Yahiko stretched, forgetting completely about his wounds then remembered them as the pain stung him mercilessly. 
           "Morning Nagato!" He greeted, noticing the red haired young man sitting at the table, a cup of tea in his hand. 
          "Good morning Yahiko, feeling better?" 
          "Much better! I'm good enough to fight, I think." He said getting up and joining Nagato at the table. 
          "I don't think your wounds are healed already." Nagato poured some tea for him. 
          "Where's Konan?" He asked after thanking him. 
          "She already left." Silence came over them and they both felt strange. 
          "I love you like a brother Nagato." Yahiko said suddenly. 
          "Uh..thanks, I feel that way about you too.  In fact, I even admire you." 
          "Really?  You don't need to admire me, you're the savior." Yahiko smiled as he wrapped his left arm around Nagato's neck. 
          "But you've always taken care of me," Nagato tried to argue. 
          "And I always will, even when I become god of this world but I want to talk to you about something......" 
          "It's about Konan? I already know." Nagato told him, sparing the older boy from having to say anything. 
          "How? Did she tell you already?"
          Nagato shook his head, "no. I'm not blind Yahiko, quite honestly I've been expecting it for a long time now. I'm surprised that you even had the courage, I hope you didn't cry." Yahiko smacked Nagato on the back of the head, "ow." Nagato rubbed his head. 
        "Don't mock me. I am a man, of course I had the courage and didn't cry! But you know what this means?" 
        Nagato looked up at Yahiko who stood up, "no, what does it mean?" 
        "It means that you're girlfriendless. Hah!" 
        Nagato punched him lightly in the stomach, "silence, I'll get one eventually, after you've become a god." 
        "Ow, don't hit me, I'm wounded." 
        "You're obviously not wounded enough.  And there's blood on your bed. You should clean it up." 
    Yahiko fixed the covers on his bed, then looked back at Nagato, "you liar, there's no blood on my bed, I cleaned it up yesterday." He attacked him playfully, then told him, "you shouldn't wait, even saviors like you have needs." 
       Nagato pushed him aside, "I'm not like you." 
       "You're right, you're way too sensitive, you'd probably cry." Nagato hit him again then left him cringing on the floor. 
       "Nagato, come back, I didn't mean it!" 
       "Oh, Nagato, welcome back." Konan greeted as Nagato entered the Akatsuki's base of operation.       "Konan, please don't have children with Yahiko." 
        She stared at him in confusion, "I wasn't planning to.  Maybe in a distant future long after he's become god." 
       Nagato reached her side, eclipsing her and even Yahiko in height. "That would be for the best. I don't think Uncle Nagato could handle any offspring he has. Especially if its a boy, if its a girl, she might be more like you." Konan laughed at him then handed him a piece of paper, "these are the coordinates that still need some help. I was going to head over there, want to come with me?" 
           "Sure."   
    It was late night when they returned home to find Yahiko standing in front of the stove. "How do you feel?" Konan asked referring to his wounds. 
        He looked back at them, covered in rain water. "Fine. The sting of the wounds has gone away and you?" 
       "I'm fine." She answered without much thought.
       "I should return tomorrow, I don't want to be out for too long and become useless." Yahiko said indefinitely.
        "Even if you were, things are going relatively smooth.We might not even need you for the next couple of days, you should wait until your wounds are completely healed."  Konan told him, she was the second in command and with reason, she was always bright and picked up the ball faster than Nagato and Yahiko, especially when training with Jiraiya-sensei. 
        "Fuck that, I don't want to wait.  I'm fine." Yahiko said in response.
         "You just want to fight," Nagato chipped in. 
        Yahiko glared at Nagato then hit him in the head with a wooden spoon.
         "Ow."
         "That's for earlier." 
          Konan looked to Nagato then at Yahiko then back at Nagato, "is that the reason why you don't want me to have kids with him?" 
         "Yeah." Nagato responded. 
         "What are you guys talking about?" Yahiko asked as he stirred something in a large pot. Nagato looked at Yahiko's back then shook his head. 
          "About me having your kids." Konan joked but the comment had Yahiko turning around wide-eyed as he kept eye contact with her. 
       "You are?" He sounded so surprise. 
      "No. I don't know. Nagato asked me not to have kids with you for fear that'd they be too much like you." 
         Yahiko smiled then hit Nagato again with the wooden spoon. "That's our decision," Yahiko chastised.    "Ow. Not again. Just saying, Uncle Nagato isn't sure he's up to dealing with a little Yahiko." 
    "Don't worry Nagato, even if Konan and I had offspring, either now or later, I'm sure you'd love the kid."
    "Still, we should try to prevent that if it's possible." Konan told Yahiko.
    "No more sex?" Yahiko squeaked, succesfully embarassing Nagato by being so blunt.
    "I didn't say that, just don't ejaculate inside of me." Konan told him.
    "I'm done." Nagato declared at their tactlessness and headed outside, he sat on the small step as he looked up to the raining sky. He did always suspect that Yahiko and Konan's once sibling like relationship would eventually blossom to real love and become intimate but that didn't mean he wanted to hear his older brother-like figure talk about knocking up his older sister-like figure. Although he loved and looked up to Yahiko, he felt more partial to Konan and didn't want big sister to feel hurt by her now lover.
    Konan opened the door, "you okay Nagato? Come inside, dinner is done."
   

*Don't own the characters or fan art.

Perverted Naruto Fan Fiction

Who doesn't write perverted fan fiction? 50 Shades of Gray emerged from it, and no I don't believe that fan fiction should be published. Fan fictions are how we show our love for all the things we love that's already copyrighted so I hate seeing fan art that's copyrighted. You're not the original artist, what's the point of copyrighting your rendition? I don't know, I don't get it.

So I'm going to start with some yaoi between Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha. Even though the fan fic is sexual, I love the relationship between the two men. Here you have Kisame, the big shark of Kirigakure who became confused about his own purpose in life, who found a kindred spirit in the story of Itachi Uchiha murdering his entire clan then he meets the younger man and they develop an actual friendship. I love how they were very subtle about it, especially Kisame. I never thought of them as being homosexual but you can tell Kisame felt very fortunate to find a place where he could belong and not be hated for the things he was ordered to do by his Kage. In Shippuuden when Itachi's illness became worse, there's an episode where Kisame hunts down the Bijuu on his own to spare Itachi from over exerting himself. I felt that was very sweet and spoke volumes to the nature of their relationship and when he died, he thought of no one else but Itachi and it made me want to know more about their day to day relationship as they have been traveling together for years. 

Kisame x Itachi yaoi fan fiction

Kisame lifted up Itachi's shirt then pulled it over his head so that his body laid bare except  covering his shoulders. Kisame placed his right hand on Itachi's stomach, savoring the warmth of his body before moving it upward towards his chest. "I love the way your body looks, you're so beautiful, I know I've said it before, but you're my favorite type of woman." He smiled evilly, something Itachi had grown accustomed to seeing by now.
         Itachi said nothing as Kisame lowered his head to his stomach, just laying against his skin before licking it then moving upward towards his left nipple. Careful not to bite or else he'd bite it off completely. Kisame's hands gripped at his side as he slid his thick tongue across his skin. "Mm," Itachi made a noise that didn't mimick surprise or a even a moan. 
        "My body is betraying me as I speak, if it's of any consequence, I would want yours." He told Kisame. "Why don't you show me yours." He said lowly, grabbing lightly at the bottom of Kisame's shirt.  Kisame pulled it off quickly revealing masculine abs under the light blue skin, and the black fur that trailed down from his belly button. 
           "I didn't know sharks could have fur." Itachi cracked softly as his right hand graced over his lower abdomen. 
           "In comparison to your hairless body, I'm more of a man physically." Itachi laughed softly then nodded as best he could. Itachi reached up to feel the hard rippling muscle, Kisame's body was definitely more masculine compared to his thin and sleek build. "Your skin is cool." He said.
           "And yours is so warm for a dying man." Kisame grinned back, reveling in the light caresses of Itachi's hand. 
           "You want to touch something, touch this." Kisame pulled the hem of his pants down allowing his cock to hang out. 
           Itachi's eyes widened. "Big and blue just like the rest of you." 
           Kisame snickered as he lowered himself slightly enough to tap his cock against Itachi's lower abdomen. He took Itachi's hand and wrapped his fingers around his already rock hard organ. 
            Not asking why, Itachi slowly pumped it, moving his fingers in a way that massaged the foreskin as well. He was much bigger now that he held it. Kisame's cock was thick and long. There was a thicket of black hair above it in which Itachi scratched at, it was silky rather than curly and coarse like normal human males. 
            "You are immaculate my friend." Itachi praised as he sped up his jerking off. 
    Kisame quickly pulled off Itachi's pants and underwear to reveal his hanging self, Kisame was so hard that it was starting to hurt but Itachi hadn't been turned on at all. He didn't care. Kisame grabbed Itachi's wrist then held it above his head as he pressed himself against his friend's cock. He was much thicker and longer than Itachi. "Don't look at me like that, I'm not very big even in full erection." Itachi confided.
          "I don't care about that." Kisame answered shivering at the touch of his friend's warm skin against his cold skin. Kisame lowered down on top of Itachi wanting to feel his body against his. He kissed Itachi fiercely, remembering not to use his teeth. He pulled away to breathe, his gills didn't do anything at all! Itachi surprised him by raising his hands and clamping them down on the back of Kisame's neck, effectively pulling him back into another kiss.
    "I don't want to let you die." 
    "Then what do you want?" 
    "I want to be the last person to feel your warmth." Kisame admitted.
    "What do you mean by that?" Itachi asked not really understanding.
    "You're an intelligent man, you'll figure it out."
    Itachi chuckled, "fair enough. Kisame.............thank -"
    "Stop right there or I'll bite, don't thank me until you breathe your last breath." 
    Itachi looked away. "You can if you want to, I don't mind, we'll call it a reward if you help me with something." 
    "What do I have to do?"
    "Help me to die in front of Sasuke." Itachi looked back up at Kisame, his Sharingan blazing. Kisame really didn't want to, he hesitated biting back everything to not just say no. Instead he raised a hand then lifted Itachi's ponytail then pulled out the band holding it. "Okay." Itachi smiled, "I'll be the woman you want tonight. Just this one time." 
         Closing his eyes, Itachi spread his legs shyly allowing Kisame access to his anal canal. It had been a long time coming but he always wanted to see Itachi look weak and vulnerable like this. "It's gonna hurt," he warned in humor. Itachi didn't respond but bit his lower lip when he felt him enter. "Heh, that's just the head.  Surely you can do better than this Itachi." Kisame mocked earning an annoyed glare from the smaller man. 
        "Then you'll have to do your worse. I've felt worse pain than this, and you know I have." Itachi responded. Kisame smiled revealing his shark teeth which earned him the nickname Jaws by Konan. With a hard thrust which he surprisingly held back on, he pushed forward until he was all the way inside the tight space.  Itachi gritted his teeth. 
    "No wonder you're a rapist, who the hell would submit to this willingly?" 
    "Uh....YOU. I won't tell anyone that you cried real tears." 
    Itachi smacked at him lightly, "don't be absurd." 
    Kisame laughed, "yeah that's me the absurd shark all right."
    Itachi laughed trying to sit up to make the pain in his lower body lessen a bit but Kisame had other ideas and pushed him back down then told him, "don't get up again. .....
Be a good boy like Tobi."  Itachi glared at him again then sighed, "as you wish."
         Kisame fucked in and out of Itachi until he had the younger man panting for breath and trembling. Itachi gripped at Kisame's muscular arms, even dug his non-existent fingernails into his skin. Kisame didn't want to hurt his friend who was already in so much pain but holding back wasn't something that he was good at. He wanted him, wanted him now, had him now in what was his last chance. He always wanted him and those words slipped out his mouth without him noticing his own lack of verbal control.
        Itachi had suspected it but had dismissed the thought from his mind, Kisame was a fun, loyal friend who cared about his well being the way he cared for Sasuke. "I know," Itachi told him softly, raising his hand to hold the back of his neck gently, then his hand fell down to rub at his broad back.  This was his first time ever with a man. He couldn't ask for more after realizing just how much Kisame truly cared for him.
        He could only hope that Sasuke could end up with someone who really cared about him, either male or female. Lowering himself so that his head wasn't crooked up against the wall like it was, he laid fully down so he could let the older man have him. Kisame would be the only man to ever have him. However, even though Itachi was giving in, Kisame found this position hard. He was such a big man and Itachi was at least a foot and some inches shorter than he was.  ighing to himself, he pulled out, surprising Itachi.
       "What's wrong?" He asked sitting up as Kisame sat back on his knees.
       "Get on your hands and knees," Kisame beamed at him. Itachi couldn't help but to roll his eyes at him but he did say that he would be his lover for the night. He slowly turned over onto his stomach, his elbows down by his head and his knees straight alleviating his lower body's position. His long black hair showered over his shoulders and a part of his back in which his slim body jutted from it seemed. 
       "You know from this position, I can't really tell if you're a man or a woman." Kisame laughed. 
       "Look between my legs, you'll find the male anatomy hanging." Itachi told him sourly. 
       Kisame laughed more. He grabbed at Itachi's balls then licked them, "you mean this?" 
       "Yes that. I didn't know you were such a nymphomaniac." He said honestly, if he was a woman, then he would actually be turned on by all that Kisame had done to him. 
     "Yeah there's a lot of things people don't know about me." Kisame told him, running his tongue from his sacs up the back of his thigh to his butt.
    "I see that now, but if I were your woman, I'd be the happiest woman."
    Kisame stopped, no one had ever said anything like that to him before, to admit that they were happy being with him. "You don't need to be a woman to be happy with me Itachi, you can be just who you are."
    Itachi looked over his shoulder at his friend, he looked so................
    "Kisame. I am content being with you but I'm not ever really happy you know......"
    "Then be my boyfriend until you die." 
    "Will it make you happy Kisame?"
    "Yes. And I'll accept your death and let it go when you die. And it'll stay just between you and me."  Kisame added trying hard to convince him.
      Itachi sighed, he really wanted to say no but Kisame had cared for him, loved him when no one else did.  "Okay. We can give it a try." How far could it really get? Kisame felt his heart leap up making him feel energetic and lively. He knelt over and kissed Itachi's lips. He had a real lover now for the first time. He got behind him, "doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you!"  Itachi shook his head, he didn't really think he would.
      Parting his cheeks, he spit on his hand then rubbed it on his cock as lube, then pushed his cock inside to reclaim his ass. Itachi was his now. He bucked hard, grabbing hold of Itachi's waist as he fucked him so he wouldn't move. 
      Itachi opened his mouth, a groan escaping only resulting in arousing his big shark even more. Kisame bent over his back to kiss at his shoulders, his hair getting into his mouth which he really didn't mind. Itachi closed his eyes tightly and braced the impact for each pounding, finding that he really didn't like it but since he was giving his last to Sasuke, he was going to give his best to Kisame.
       He lowered his knees and his upper body until he was nearly flat on the ground. He was taking it well.    "I'm gonna cum buddy," he said to the younger man. 
        "You're gonna try cumming inside of me, aren't you?" Itachi asked opening his red eyes to see Kisame's hand next to his, he was breathing on the back of his neck.
         "You know damn well I am," he said proudly. 
         "Don't," Itachi warned. 
         "This is my night," he reminded him, sitting up.
    He fucked into Itachi hard, trying to make himself release. 
    He roared feeling himself release into Itachi, Itachi trembled then swore viciously. Not only had he not been fucked by a man before but feeling his sperm splurt inside him was a strange feeling too. Kisame pulled out then sat back taking a deep breath. "That's so much better," he then lifted Itachi up putting the small man in his lap. "How do you feel?"
    Itachi rested against him, "I'm fine."
    Kisame pulled down the cover of the on the floor futon and laid his boyfriend in it then himself. They've slept together before in the same bed or futon so now wasn't any different. The sunlight poured into the inn room over the two who held one another. Itachi woke first and got up to bathe, leaving Kisame to sleep a little longer. When Kisame woke up he headed into the bathroom to pee. It wasn't as if he didn't know what to say, he and Itachi were friends, good friends always and there was no reason to act different now.
       "Which of the bijuu are we going after today?" Kisame asked.
        Itachi wrapped a towel around his waist, courtesy of the inn. "The three tail." 
    Itachi stopped dead in his tracks, put his hand over his mouth and coughed up blood until it seeped through his fingers.  He was spewing blood again and as much as he liked covering it up, they had been together for too long to keep it a secret from him. "You okay?" Kisame asked not showing much concern, Itachi was selfless but even he had pride.
    Itachi turned on the cold water in the sink to rinse his hands and mouth, "I'm fine," he lied yet again then left the bathroom. He pulled on his shirt and his pants. 
      Kisame came out feeling a bit more concerned for him than usual. "Are you really okay? Can you fight?"  he asked standing above Itachi who kept his head lowered. Itachi then looked up with his blood red eyes, a clan trait that frightened most people but not him. He loved those blood stained eyes of him that knew the sorrow, loneliness and bloodshed so well, the same things he's only known his whole life.
        "I'll be fine, as always," Itachi smiled sadly. Itachi was never fine and he was the only one who knew that. Itachi placed his hand on Kisame's abdomen then raised his lips to the muscle just under the skin.  Kisame laughed as if it tickled him, "what are you doing?" 
          "I'm going to give Sasuke my best and my last so I want to give you something too." 
           "You're too generous." Kisame smiled as Itachi mouthed his skin, licking it lightly with the tip of his tongue. 
          "Are you going to eat me like you do dango?" Kisame cracked. Itachi looked up then away as he pulled down his underwear. Gingerly taking the large flat cock inbetween his thumb and index, he lifted it up to run his tongue over the shaft up to the head. 
    Kisame shivered, something about this seemed so wrong. Itachi was a man he respected more than anyone, a man he never wanted to see fall or fail. Seeing him rise to his knees to lick up his cock seemed......so wrong. It felt warmer and softer than he thought it would, there wasn't much of a taste, "I thought you'd taste more like Shark Fin Soup." Itachi joked making his shark laugh again. 
         "Oh? Try putting it in your mouth," he joked.
    Itachi looked up at him scandelously, making the older man's cock jump in excitement. "You're so fucking beautiful," Kisame said. Itachi looked up, his mouth open and his tongue visibly running the length of him. He shuddered, he didn't know that Itachi could be so dirty and look so good doing it. "Don't tease me," he could feel himself growing hard.
        Smiling gently, Itachi closed his eyes, licking the head like candy, he took it into his mouth, purposely moaning just to get under his boyfriend's skin.  Just like inside his other orifice, it took up all the space as he gently sucked it, he didn't want it to be shoved down his throat, he had enough health problems. Kisame gently placed a large hand on his head, running his fingers under and through his black hair. 
    Itachi felt skilled but he knew the man was heterosexual, same as he was but maybe the young man had experience giving oral sex. The low heat and moistness of his mouth surrounding the expanding head was driving at his body like a Rasengan to the chest. He slowly shoved the next two inches into his mouth, aware that trying to make him suck all of him would only hurt him. Itachi sucked harder finding that it wasn't so bad.
    But it wasn't enough.
    Soon, Kisame pulled out of his hand and mouth, knelt down and kissed Itachi instead. He pushed Itachi down on the futon, he knew that they had a job to do and should get to it before the morning slipped away but he just couldn't control himself besides, it was Itachi's fault this time. He laid on top of the smaller man then broke for breath. Itachi rubbed the hair above his headband, he never took that thing off.
         "I will be yours until the day I have to die," Itachi reassured him.
         "I look foward to every day until you let your bitch little brother kill you off. What? Bro, don't look at me like that, Sasuke is a bitch." Itachi pushed him off then sat up. Kisame smiled then pulled on his shirt and pants. "Are you mad at me?" Kisame snickered, not caring if he was. Itachi was a man of his word and he promised to be his boyfriend until he died.
          "No," Itachi stood, "let's get to work."
          "Yeah, or else Pain is gonna yell at us. Again." 
    Itachi didn't say anything more as he led Kisame out of the inn and into the bright day. It was time to pretend as if they weren't in a relationship again.

END


I find intimacy beautiful, even more so when you have a strong emotional bond with your partner. Intimacy is beautiful and we should celebrate it no matter who you find yourself in bed with, instead of demonizing people who are more comfortable within their own gender. 
  Equal rights for equal lives

* I have no idea who the artist of fan art is but it is that person's work while Itachi and Kisame belong to Masashi Kishimoto, Shonen Jump and Viz Media.